Upper Room Journal - Life After Loss

 Beloved, welcome to The Upper Room Journal, a monthly newsletter to help deepen your spiritual life. This month, we’re pleased to introduce you to Missy Buchanan, an author, speaker, and advocate for older adults. One year following the release of her bestselling book, Feeling Your Way Through Grief, Missy offers a gentle reflection on navigating the spiritual terrain of transition, grief, and growth. 

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A Different Pew, A Deeper Faith

by Missy Buchanan

I am sitting in a back pew of my new church waiting for the funeral service of a woman I barely knew to begin. The woman had participated in a Bible study I led recently. Not long after, she received an unexpected diagnosis, and within weeks, she died. Even though our paths crossed briefly, I was drawn to her open heart and joyous laughter.  

As a stream of strangers fill the pews to pay their respects, I play a mind game. Which people are her professional colleagues? Which ones are neighbors or friends of her adult children? I scan the other side of the sanctuary and catch a glimpse of some familiar faces of fellow church members who regularly attend the early service with me. It’s a stark reminder that even though I joined this church almost a year ago, I still don’t know all their names.   

It is an odd moment that catches me by surprise. Even though I’m in my mid-70s, I am an outsider. The new kid on the block. 

Shifting down the pew to make more room, I think about the many changes I’ve experienced since my beloved husband died in 2023. I sold my house and moved 250 miles away from the place I called home for 43 years to be near my son’s family. I left behind a large church and a community where I was an insider. I knew people. I knew the restaurants and the town’s folklore. I knew doctors and local politicians. I could drive around town without using my navigation system.  

Uprooting myself to an unfamiliar community and a smaller church, I became an outsider, but never an outcast. This church has received me with open arms, not rejection or exclusion. Instead, it is a process of learning to find my way in this unexpected season. 

For the first time in my long life, I am living alone. I face each day without my husband by my side. When I built my two-bedroom cottage in this new town, I made every decision myself. Nowadays, I navigate unfamiliar stores and search for medical professionals. I rely on the GPS as I drive. Even my new church feels different. There’s no pipe organ, no screens. I often stumble on the slightly different wording of the Apostles’ Creed. But it is good. It is very good.  

Aging brings change, and change is integral to growth, even when it is disorienting. Scripture is filled with stories of Jesus challenging his followers to shift their perspective and to expand their thinking. Aging is just another opportunity to accept that challenge and to grow in Christlikeness. 

The truth is, we all need to step away from our comfortable routines and our self-assured assumptions. In my new community, I better understand fear by listening to the personal stories of an immigrant’s family. I feel my heart warm with compassion as I watch a young woman in a rusty old car fold her hands in gratitude as she gets canned goods and diapers from the Blessing Box on the church lawn. Sure, it takes courage to make a move in your late years. But I am discovering that being an outsider can lead to a deeper faith because it will widen your eyes.